Each time you see a new job advertised, you imagine a new life. What the role, the money, the distance would mean for you. But would it really be better? You have to think about what you would end up losing. And that’s enough now. It wasn’t before. You would question everything. Always look to the next role. The next stage. But you realise you’re happy. And that’s OK.
Things seem to be good between them again. So we’ll see.
It’s a total feeling of peace. Your mind isn’t thinking about anything else. You’re just focusing on keeping your leg moving. One after the other. Steps forward. You can block everything else out. Nothing else matters in those moments. And you need that. Crave it.
I told him I’m all about looking forward, not back.
It’s only seven weeks to go. But it feels impossible.
You wait. All day, just hoping. You don’t know what to expect when you get back. What mood will he be in today? Will he receive you gladly? Or will he ignore you? Make you earn the attention? But you don’t care anymore. And it drives him crazy.
Everything’s easier when it’s on a schedule. Gives me less to worry about.
Coming home and knowing that you’re there is all I need really. I know that some people will laugh. Think there’s more. But there really isn’t. When everything is distilled and simplified there isn’t anything else I need. And I need to remember that sometimes.
It was just an excuse really. I could tell. And she knew I could tell, but she still kept up the artifice.
It’s never like an actual conversation with her though. She thinks it is. But just talking at someone isn’t how a conversation works. And then to just ask at the end, what have you got to say then. Like we should take it in turns to speak at length without interruption. I’ve got used to it though. It’s just the way it is.