I don’t know what he wants sometimes. I try my best. But I feel like he only likes me when I’m happy. It’s hard to be happy all the time.
I feel like I can’t cope sometimes. My throat gets tight. It all feels overwhelming. Like I’m drowning. But then there’s you.
They won’t see each other much for the next month. He’s starting a new job, and she’s working. I guess that will be the test.
When I was younger, I used to wish I was a cat. Sometimes desperately. It looked so much easier. No worries. No pressure. I still wish sometimes.
He said it was my attitude. That I never changed. He’s had enough.
I felt ready before. Now I’m not so sure. I think waiting left me more time to think about it. Dwell.
It’s so hard to know which is the right thing to do. Each has their own trajectory that could change everything.
I feel too much. I feel everything. Guilt. All the time. I just want to make sure everyone is OK. But it’s destroying me.
How are you meant to plan for that? It could take days. It could take months. And then what? You’re not you anymore. Hers.
He still hasn’t spoken to me. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t think of anything else. Part of me is beyond caring. The other part is desperate.